As we all persevere through the glitch in our matrix known as Covid-19. Now is a time, more than ever, that we stick together side-by-side (whilst also keeping a healthy 2m gap) and act as one to help us survive. That is why I felt the time was right to bring out a season review that says mean things about people.

As fate has forced us to now ignore our families around us, play stick cricket on our phones and play Xbox for 14 hours a day (or as Luke Taylor calls it: a Tuesday), now is the right time for a season review. I hope this brings more happiness than Huw is feeling as he can blame ‘social distancing’ for him no longer having to be around poor people.

Lots of stuff happened last year. Lots and lots of stuff. The year of our lord 2019 began with Brazil and DR Congo electing new presidents and ended with Guinea-Bissau getting a new one too. Exciting times, quite the bookends. It could be easy to get caught up in all the big jazzy news stories: England’s World Cup, Brexit, Epstein definitely not being murdered and Freddie Lanch winning the 3rd XI player of the year award. But for this, we will ignore TRICKSnSTUFF1’s 1-star google review of Wargrave CC and shine a light on ourselves. For context; TRICKSnSTUFF1 rated Boyne-Hill, Eversley and Tongham cricket clubs 1-Star. However, Aldershot’s KFC and Burger King earned themselves the full 5-Stars. I’ve gone down the rabbit hole.

The First Team
The pièce de résistance for Wargrave was the promotion of the 1st XI, bringing home counties cricket to The Rec. The love child of Neal Robinson, reproduced asexually, finally came to fruition. Years of suffering for Mr Robinson finally made it all worth it for him. After all this strife, Neal walked into his home, crouched down in front of Cooper and said, “Son, this is all we worked for. I know Dad’s been busy, but we can finally have the life we have always dreamed of. Daddy did this for you and your sister. We’ve made it”.
As Cooper then turns to Jade asking, “Mummy, who’s this?” and Jade having to explain to the children that, finally, they’re gunna be a family again. Daddy went to the shop for milk one day and came home 6 years later with 4 promotions.*

Thankfully I can’t actually find statistics (I didn’t look) for the season now that everything on the website has rolled over into 2020. I may have actually had to talk about the cricket if that happened. Although another landmark was the clubs first official (added this in-case Harp got annoyed) overseas. Other stuff also happened, I guess. I dunno, cricket being played? You get the idea.

The Second Team
The 2nd XI… erm… happened? Not quite the collective success of other teams, however many players coming through the season with some personal success to cling onto. Maybe even tell their mates about. Their mates don’t care. But their mates will still listen, they feel bad for them after all.

A team that was originally formed to play cricket, developed into a petri dish of talent experimentation. Are you a colt player with burgeoning county ambitions? Here’s a team for you. Do you need some game time to build confidence down from the 1s? Here’s a team for you. Do you have really, really, really average statistics in the 3s but somehow inexplicably get promoted ahead of many more deserving players? Alex Hands, Simon French and Kyle Bradley, here’s a team for you.

The Third Team
God I’m great aren’t I. But enough about me… for now.

Another success story for the club as the 3rd XI secured promotion. A band of merry men went to battle all season and got the job done. Many notable appearances and achievements in the team. Like Toby (A duck) and Jack (1 wicket). Not so easy down here is it for the big boys. In reality, it was a very well put together team that was too strong for the division and deserved to be promoted. For further details, see previous match reports (if you have not read them yet, please afford yourself the time to now. I know you’re not busy. Do it). I don’t think I need to rehash jokes about how abysmal Huw, Scott, Simon, Rimmer and others were in comparison to someone who doesn’t need to be named. We all know by now.

Oh, James Moss returned. Briefly. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahah the state of it.

…

I WON 3rd TEAM PLAYER OF THE YEAR.

The Fourth Team
Apologies, for I know little about how the 4th team got on. A debut season. A historic moment for the club. Mike Andrews. I don’t know much else. Therefore, I have enlisted the comments of fellow committee members to assist. These comments are taken verbatim, in case anyone gets confused and assumes that they are grown adults, so texting in full sentences should be easy. Grammar and everything.

“They lost more than they won. Highlights were Sravan getting a hundred and a 5fer for Ruth Payne one of the u16s girls. Sravs dad Ravi got a 5fer too I think”
- Neal Robinson

“Venu Paikanti got a 50 against Yateley whilst batting with his son I believe”.
- Mike Hattey

“I think the 5fer was against Kidmore End and yes that correct MH he did”
- Ken Clark.
Cheer Ken.

The club can be very proud of the growth it has seen over the past number of years. Not only do we now have 4 full adult teams and as of whenever we play cricket again, we will have a second square at The Rec. 2019 had a lot for people to be proud of, let’s hope 2020 is as positi… oh.

Lastly, I do wish to send out the best wishes from myself to every one of my fans and our members. This is bizarre movie we’re living in and I hope everyone and their loved one makes it through this moment in history. Collectively, the NHS is Ben Stokes, Covid-19 is the two blokes outside of a nightclub in Bristol and social distancing is Alex Hales kicking them on the ground. Stay safe.

Ps. Good luck to Jair Bolsonaro (Brazil), Felix Tshisekedi (DR Congo) and Umaro Sissoco Embalo (Guinea-Bissau) on your current terms in office. I know you’re all huge fans of mine and I know you’ll be over the moon with the shout out.

*I’m sure Neal makes a fine parent. Who needs food when you can cover drive like Ian Bell?